falling in love with what ya hate
by Sukichan111
Summary: the twins are oposites who cant stand eachother now hikaru needs some help with his work leading poor Kaoru into a huge mess of a bunch of unbelievable crap
1. the twins

_**Chapter one- The twins**_

Making my way down the long crowded hallway, I kept my books close to my chest looking around all the time...just trying not to bump into anyone and I slowly made my way around them. Once glance at the clock sped me up though, two minutes to get to class.

I spun around on my heel to take another hall way, hoping for a less crowded corridor. With a loud thud my slender form smacked against the hall floor. I groaned rubbing the back of my head as I stared up.

"Hikaru" I scowled up at my twin.

We looked alike, so alike in fact that our own mother couldn't tell the difference. Still we were opposite people. Like the North and South poles or day and night.

Hikaru's love for the opposite gender is nonexistent where as I have no interest in men. I stand a straight A student and my twin was lucky to get a C-.

We hated each other and had for a very long time. In all honesty when only spoke when he bugged me for help with his homework.

I gathered my books into my arms and got to class as fast as I could. Once I got to my desk I realized the teacher was passing back a test we'd taken last week. "Excellent Kaoru, you got the only A in the class"

All around me the class reacted like they usually did, with harsh whispers of meaningless words like _smart ass, freak, weirdo. nerd, teachers pet_. Over time I'd learned to ignore them.

After a long lecture on Napoleon the bell finally chimed to release us from class.

Passing the office I heard the principal lecturing my twin once again, for nearly the third time this week. I wanted no part of what Hikaru had pulled this time so I kept walking, picking up my pace when I heard my twin's foot steps following mine.

I made a break for my bike, sprinting as fast as I could. Of course I had the option of a limo but that also meant having to ride with my brother. Lately anytime spent around him had been awkward. So I avoided it at any cost.

Hikaru's hand caught the handle of my bike, keeping me from going anywhere.

"Please Hikaru just let me go home" I groaned

He had to have found my irritation funny because he decided to test it, He snickered "And if I dont?"

"HIKARU" I whined.

"Awe come on" He smirked.

"Hikaru Hitachiin stop it now" I hissed with a slight blush.

Also I'm much, much shyer then Hikaru.

He calls me a blushing mess because I am one.

When we were kids Hikaru and I were pretty close but when mom died it changed.

He changed and I guess I did to.

"Come on Kao-Kao…..it's Ru-Ru" he chuckled at our old nick names.

I ended up walking home that day. As soon as I walked through the door Dad was lecturing Hikaru the way the principal had been earlier. I shrugged and made my way up stairs to do my homework.

His grades were probably slipping again, That was my best guess. Then again I didn't care.


	2. no funny bussiness

_**Chapter two- No funny business **_

__About half way up the steps I felt my twin's hand on my shoulder and my eyes went a little wide.

"Kaoru?" he whispered almost pleadingly. I turned around and sighed, facing him to let him know he had my attention.

He seemed to really be struggling with something. Struggling to find the words or maybe just to get them out into the open. He made a face and his voice came out frantic and desperate "I need help, will you tutor me!" it came out in one loud breath

I smirked feeling good about my twin actually needing my help and folded my arms over my chest "fine" I said finally " but no funny business" I stated pointedly and walked up the steps and down the hall to my bedroom closing the door behind me with a soft click.

Hikaru's POV

I kicked back on the couch in the living room clad in sweats and a lose tank top. The remote hung limp from my pale hand as I stared off lazily at the glowing screen before me.

Normally asking Kaoru for help was on my highest taboo list, but hey I cant be getting grounded...again. More importantly I was getting sick of my baby brother upstaging me in everything except sports.

Two and a half hours of staring at the t.v and my eye lids were growing heavy. I dropped the remote on the coffee table in a lazy manor and made my way up to Kaoru's room. "Kaoru?" I called through his door. When he didn't answer I knocked three or four times.

Still no answer, My hand gripped the door knob and I pushed it open. "Kao-" I quickly closed my mouth. He was on the floor, his head rested on an open text book, paper scattered all about the room and a pencil hanging at his fingertips.

I cracked a light smile and lifted him into my arms bridle style like I would have when we were eight and laid him down in his bed, making sure to cover him up.

If I left him on the floor he would have complained about his back hurting for the next three days and so I was just trying to spare myself all his annoying nagging.

When we were younger, Kaoru and I shared a room and always slept together and then one day Kaoru said his nightmares didn't bother him anymore and he moved into his own room. It wasn't like I cared. I liked having my own room.

So for the next few weeks I watched Kaoru get frantic every time I got a question wrong. I watched him focus real hard and chew on his pumpkin eraser when ever he was in deep thought. He spoke clearly all the time in a way he knew I understood.

Over those couple weeks I memorized his neat cursive handwriting and sometimes thought to myself that if I didn't watch him write it, I'd assume it was a girls hand writing. Kaoru was kind of a spaz, I guess I never really noticed that before. Yes...Kaoru was a spaz...perfectly imperfect...

I got my test back, proof of Kaoru's tutoring paying off was the 89% B at the top of the page. Versus my usual D- or F this was great. I smiled at the page actually feeling proud of myself for the first time in awhile.

_**Kaoru's POV **_

Hikaru had been looking at me different since our tutoring sessions. To my own surprise my twin had actually been serious about wanting help and was actually doing exceptionally well on his recent tests.

"Hikaru!" I called to him from across the school parking lot, quickly making my way toward him and a group of his friends.


	3. why are you staring at me

_**Chapter three- why are you staring at me?**_

My brother was sitting on the hood of one of his friend's red car. Around him were the four guys he usually hung out with. I'd never cared enough about them to learn there names. As I approached Hikaru the look on his face changed.

"So after class I'll meet you in the library" I smiled holding my books close to my chest, It actually felt good to talk to him without feeling out of place for once.

"Are you crazy, who the fuck are you over here for?" A white haired boy in a black beanie snapped at me.

Hikaru's honey colored eyes remained cold as ice and he said nothing, not one word.

"Get out of here you little bitch" That same white haired boy shoved at me, trying to push me away from them.

"I knew it" I hissed with poison seeping into my tone and coldness taking over my eyes. I turned and walked calmly back into the school, the last thing I was going to do was give them the satisfaction of seeing me run away crying like a little girl.

As for usual I sat with Tamaki at lunch and Hikaru sat with his group of delinquents at a different table. As I pushed my food around my trey I could feel his eyes on my back. My flesh crawled and I knew it was Hikaru staring at me before I even thought to turn around and look.

Knowing that he was watching me was starting to drive me totally crazy.

"Kaoru he's staring at you" Tamaki tugged at my sleeve.

I turned slightly, just to look, just once. Indeed he was staring at me. The exact same way a scavenger stars at food. My stomach twisted into a tight knot and I got up and walked right over to his table with a fierce look on my face.

"What the hell are you staring out" I hissed placing my hands firmly on my hips.

"AWWWW he cursed" a few idiots behind him laughed.

"Look I know were related but, But just because you get paranoid, that dosn't I'm staring at you" he shrugged.

I wanted to hit him, I fought back the urge with all my might.

"Fine, protect your reputation fine by me" I hissed "You can fail your next test for all I care" I growled and returned to my table, taking my seat beside Tamaki who looked at me sympathetically "you okay?"

"Perfectly fine" I stuffed my mouth in irritation.

_**Hikaru's POV**_

"Hikaru what's with you and your brother" one of the boys from my typical group asked.

I sat up a bit straighter "N-Nothing"

"You were staring at him" Haruhi crossed her arms over her chest breaking from the crowed.

I stood up making my way quickly to the boy's bath room. Cupping my hands rinsed my face with the cool water. I was staring all right, I'd been staring at Kaoru all lunch period. For some reason…..Kaoru had looked so beautiful to me lately. Then he gets so fired up when he's mad and when I see the pure rage in my twins usually gentle eyes I feel an instant problem arising in my pants.

Kaoru is just so fucking sexy. These weren't the kind of thoughts I'd ever be able to share with him. He'd hate me even more maybe even be afraid of me.

Sure I lied at lunch and it was an asshole thing to do but Kaoru already hates me he doesn't need to think I'm gonna rape him to. Suddenly I felt like I was late for something. The library...Kaoru...right...

I walked to the library door, silently poked my head around the doorframe peaking inside. Kaoru was seated at a table, his long eyelashes cast shadows over his pale cheeks as his eyes narrowed looking down at the page in his book.

With a light sigh I made my way over to him, quietly creeping up behind him. I learned over and whispered "Kaoru" in a breathy tone against the shell of his ear.

"AHHHH" he screamed his chair tipped over when he jumped. I stumbled right onto my back and winced as I hit the floor. Flinching M\my eyes closed when extra wait landed on my chest.

Kaoru now lay sprawled out on my chest. We were nose to nose now and both wide eyed, we might as well have been looking in a mirror.

His cheeks were red, like a cherry and his breathing heavy. I'd never noticed how cute he was when he was shocked until breathing grew little more uneven, he almost looked like he would have a panic attack right then and there.

Kaoru's warm breath grazed my lips which were parted slightly, making my head spin.

He broke the trance when he got up. Once the trance was broken he world seemed to get moving again and we were no longer in our own little point in time.

We were back in reality and all I wanted to do was go back to the land of fantasy for just a few more minutes.


	4. your driving me insane

Chapter Four- Your driving me crazy

As I struggled to my feet my twin scolded me "Why are you here, Hikaru?" **Kaoru's POV**

I was disgusted with him about now. His eyes were on my face and nothing else. It was sort of creeping me out.

"Kaoru" he whispered.

"HM" I looked up.

"I…..I…..I was staring at you at lunch" he admitted almost shyly. Someone else might have thought it was me talking rather then my outspoken asshole of a brother.

"I know that, Idiot" I muttered keeping my cold stare fixated on his pale face. He had that insane look in his honey colored eyes. Just what the hell was he thinking about?

**Hikaru's POV**

Damn it why is he so beautiful? Why? What the hell was I thinking...He's Kaoru...my..twi- I wanted to touch him. I had for awhile now. This senseless perversion had been filling my head and dreams for a long time now.

Kaoru was so pure though...to be touched by my filthy perverted hands...would...make him filthy as well. Still the urge to touch him was getting hard to control. Real hard.

I started to wonder. What his kiss would be like, but that was the thinking I needed to run away from. I wonder how it was so easy to hate him for so long.

Kaoru was smart funny and loving and just so innocent. Everything I wasn't. I felt my hand begin to tremble at my sides. _Why dose he do this to me. _I didn't want to do something stupid...It was getting so hard just to breathe.

For a moment I wondered why I hated Kaoru. A million thoughts raced through my head. Why did I hate my sweet twin?

Wait that's it…..it's because….I want what I can't have. What wasn't there to love. Were in no way identical. His eyes…..so much softer and more loving then mine. His smile…..makes the room light up makes everything warm. His voice….velvet and soft His skin….pale and more beautiful than mine. His hair….so soft

Everything about Kaoru drove me insane. And I just could never have him, that simple thought was pushing me closer and closer to the edge. What the fuck do I care about Taboos.

**Kaoru's POV**

I stood there puzzled just trying to read the expression on my twins face but it was blank and I couldn't figure out what he was thinking about. "Hikaru?"

He didn't answer me. Was he going to say anything or just stand there like an idiot?


	5. wamrth in cold rain

Chapter Five- warmth in the cold rain

**Kaoru's POV**

I made my way past my frozen brother and walked to my bike. Outside the air was pretty cold and I drew my arms around myself for a second before throwing my leg over the seat of my bike to ride home.

_What was he thinking about? _The sky was turning an ugly grey color it was gonna rain.

In all honesty I'd always loved the rain and didn't mind getting a little wet. Pulling into our drive way I walked inside to be greeted by a maid before I walked up the steps and down the hall to my room.

I did home work, took a shower, and several other things.

Now I was sitting on the ledge of my bedroom window watching the rain hit the glass. I had nothing else to do so I pressed my forehead to the cool glass of the window and smiled out at the rain storm.

The rain was so calming that the darkness of the room I was sitting in didn't even bother me at all, like it usually would have. Normally the dark scared me…..now I think about it a lot of things do. The dark, the ocean, my nightmares, Hikaru sometimes…..a lot of things scared me.

I distanced myself from the window not wanting to think about it anymore. Pulling on my blue hoodie I walked out into the rain. The cold water felt nice, it stimulated my skin and made me feel better.

It was dark quiet and peaceful. It was nice, I stuffed my hands in my hoodie pockets and started out for the woods. The sound of someone walking behind me made me walk a little bit faster.

My peruser kept following and so I walked just a little bit faster hearing my heart beat in my ears. I broke out into a fast sprint and ran through the pouring rain until my sides hurt and my lungs burned.

My body wore it's self out and my back met the trunk of a tree as I gasped desperately for air. I picked my head up and stared through the thick heavy rain as my attacker came into view.

"Why were you running" he asked pulling his wet hair away from his eyes.

"You….w-w-were…..c-chasing me" I huffed.

"Sorry I scared you" He chuckled lightly to himself. At least one of us found this shit funny.

He walked closer to me and gripped my shoulders with his hands, that same insane look from earlier had never left his honey colored eyes.

_What was he thinking?_

Suddenly there was warmth on my lips. Warmth like I'd never felt it. There was fire everywhere…..because he was everywhere. His hands left sparks wherever they touched me.

What warmth in such cold rain. His lips moved against mine. My head was spinning.

My eyes slowly closed as the cold rain trickled down my skin with his warm hands.

I fell into his kiss and touch. No matter how much my head was telling me to fight.

It was so sick so why did it feel so good…..so right. At that moment I didn't want him to stop.

My fingers knotted in his wet arms wrapped around me strong and safe. I'd never felt warmth like this. Never in my life had I felt so loved. Never had I felt so safe, like nothing in the world could hurt me.

Hikaru broke the kiss and somehow the world still seemed to be standing still. The only sound was the sound of me gasping for air and the pouring rain.

He touched my cheek, gently, his hand was firm and unshaken as his finger tips stroked my cheek.

"I hate how much I need you, my little Uke" he tipped my chin up kissing the corner of my mouth, sending a violent shiver through my slender form.


	6. i cant live in a fantasy

Chapter six- I can't live in a fantasy

_**Kaoru's POV**_

I blushed a bit, feeling the after effect of his sweet kiss on my lips. Then my mind kicked back into my head.

"No" I whispered.

"What is it?" Hikaru whispered in response. He pulled me close so that my hands rested on his chest.

"Just…..no" I repeated pushing him away.

"No" he raised an eye brow at me.

"No" I said again. I shook my head. "Hikaru were twins, brothers, by blood. It's wrong" I explained. I'd never forget the kiss anyway. That much I knew was true. It was perfect, the way a first kiss should feel, fiery and loving and just so new. If it's not enough to kiss my brother….I had to like it to.

"Kaoru, I'm not one for caring about rules or silly taboos" he smirked walking at me again.

I held my hand out stopping him.

"Well I do care and I do follow rules and 'silly' taboos" I protested.

"But…."

"But nothing Hikaru. It's wrong."

"Kaoru"

"NO"

"Listen"

"Hikaru just promise me…..it won't let it happen again"

"I can't"

"Why not"

"I take what I want" he smirked again, his ever so hypnotizing signature smirk. "I want it to happen again" he finished.

"Well it won't, I won't let it" I nodded solemnly as I shifted my body around and ran past him only to be jerked backwords when his hand caught my wrist and pulled me back into his comfortable embrace.

He whispered sweetly into my hair "I love you"

I wanted to say it back. I want to hold him. I didn't wanna let go. But never the less what I wanted, I'm the one who has to be mature. I can't live in some fantasy. Reluctantly I pulled away.

"We should go home" I said quietly. He simply nodded in response. We walked back the whole way in silence, not speaking or even looking at each other. Or I didn't look over at him anyway.

As I walked past his bedroom I took a deep breath and poked my head around his door frame. "N-Night" I whispered faintly.

"Where are you going" he whispered.

"M-my room"

"No"

"Why not Hikaru" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I know you still have nightmares"

"Yeah so"

"So you're sleeping with me"

"No" I choked out a faint protest.

"Kaoru get over here"

"N-no" I muttered a response.

**Hikaru's POV**

I motioned Kaoru to come to me with my finger. This time he gave up and crossed the room, crawling into bed with me. My arms closed around his slender frame and he snuggled into my chest. He was comfortable and happy to me in my bed again, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

The warm rays of the sun kissed my face and woke me the next morning. Kaoru lay peacefully asleep in my arms. He shifted in his sleep so he was facing me now. His skin was pale, perfect and bathed in glorious sunlight.

Our lips were just centimeters apart. He smelled wonderful…..like strawberries. I loved that about him. He had a natural sent. I leaned in gently grazing his pale lips with mine.

His breathing evened out a little more and his pale cheeks turned a little pink. I chuckled a bit "Your an uke even in your sleep" I muttered quietly. I smiled at seeing him seem happy, Kaoru deserved to be happy.

**Kaoru's POV **

I rested my pencil in my hand as I listened to the lecture being given.

Hikaru looked at me real quick. He slid a piece of paper under my hand. I opened the folded piece of paper up so I could read it.

_Kaoru, I'm not sorry, it was sweet of you earlier today helping that girl._

_You treat everyone right, that's another great thing about you._ He was referring to when a girl in the hallway dropped her books and I helped her pick them up.

_Ps. Do I have your permission to fall a little more in love with you? _

I crumbled the note in my hand and shoved it in my pocket. Hikaru rolled his ember eyes.

I have priorities. Hikaru is one of them. Not falling in love with him is another.


	7. don't touch me

Chapter seven- Don't touch me

**Kaoru's POV**

I chose to ignore the note. Ignoring it Seemed like a good idea. After all Hikaru was only doing this out of boredom. He'd eventually find something else to do. I was sitting on the school steps waiting for the limo,Which for the record was very late. My head was propped up on my hand and my elbow propped up on my knee.

My bike had a damn flat tire or I'd be riding it home. It was raining again.

With a loud sigh I and got up off the steps and decided walking home would be alot faster.

About half way through I realized how dark the sky was getting. Damn it, it was gonna be dark soon. I ran down the side walk as fast as I could.

"The alley" I whispered to no one at all. If I take the alley I'll get home before dark.

It was one of the dumbest things I could do about now but I sauntered into the dark alley.

Picking my head up, taking my eyes off the ground I saw a group of four guys hanging out around a few crates that had been thrown aside awhile ago.

They were drinking, all of them. A few glances at them and I knew for a fact they were only 4 or 5 years older then me. "Look at that" one of them muttered in a drunken tone.

"Yeah he's kind of cute, isn't he?" another responded and stood up watching me with hungry eyes. "He's one of the Hitachiin boys. Rich little son of a bitch"

My breathing became heavy and my heart beat filled my ears. I didn't know how to fight...Hikaru was the fighter and I wasn't much of a fast runner.

"Which one is it?" the one next to him asked with a smirk.

I turned to run but the rough hands of a tall blond forced me against the alley wall. I knew fear showed in my eyes and my voice was caught in my throat I was to scared to even call for help. I must have looked like a whimpering mess.

"Kaoru" He grinned.

"How can ya tell?" A brunet who was still sitting on a crate with a bear in his hand slurred.

"He's too submissive to be Hikaru" the blond answered flatly.

"D-don't touch me" I whimpered.

"Awe he's cute"

"NO" I shrieked.

The blond forced my hands above my head and kept both my wrists pinned with just one hand as the other hand trailed down my stomach. I writhed and screamed as loud as I could. Tears stung my golden eyes.

"LET GO" I screamed.

"But why?" he placed a kiss on the corner of my mouth.


	8. I care about you

Chapter Eight- I care about you

**Kaoru's POV**

My body writhed and I kicked my legs and arched my back screaming out for somebody to help me.

"STOP MOVING" he hissed.

"NO" I screamed again.

"Why" he whispered "Hikaru doesn't care about you" That was when it suddenly occurred to me that I'd seen this guy before. He was the one who first got Hikaru into drugs about a year ago.

"Yes he dose" I knew how much my brother cared nothing this freak could say could change that.

The blond yelped in pain as a pale hand clutched a handful of his blond hair and threw him back words.

"Hikaru" I smiled wiping the tears from my eyes in relief.

"Idiot" he muttered. One of them threw his first at my twin. Hikaru caught it in his hand and threw a punch into the others right eye.

The blond said "Hikaru..." My brother gripped him by the throat" Don't ever touch him again, or so help me god, I will kill you" Hikaru growled with furious eyes.

"GO HOME" Hikaru hissed at me.

I shook my head backing myself timidly against the alley wall.

"Kaoru go home" he said again.

"NO" I yelled.

"GO"

"That's not what I meant, I meant no don't kill him" my voice came out a little fast.

"Why not?" asked my twin.

I laid a hand down on Hikaru's shoulder. "His life's not worth the effort it would take to end it" I said softly. Hikaru let him up and backed away looking irritated.

"GO" Hikaru barked at him. The four of them scurried away in a hurry, not wanting to fuck with my brother again. I was clinging to my older brother's arm now, like I did when we were younger and I was scared.

"Thank you" I whispered against his sleeve.

He looked at me and raised an eye brow.

"I care about you" he whispered "don't let anyone tell you other wise"


	9. did you just stutter Hikaru?

Chapter Nine- Did you just stutter, Hikaru?

**Hikaru's POV**

I understand Kaoru's reasons I really do but…It's just not fair. I didn't ask to want him so much or to need him like I do. It just happened. My precious twin brother is all I'm not. He's pure and innocent and kind and helpful and his eyes are so warm. Like his touch so gentle and warm.

I sat up when I heard my bedroom door open.

Kaoru walked in. His skin and hair dripping wet and a towel wrapped around his slender waist.

My eyes grew wide.

"Sorry" he muttered "My clothes for today are in here" he smiled walking over to the dresser.

"I-Its f-fine" I stammered a response.

"Hikaru did you just s-st-stutter" he teased.

"Funny" I muttered.

"Very funny" he smiled at me over his shoulder.

Kaoru looked up.

"You okay, I know you're not happy with this but-"he was cut off by my lips.

The impact of my body sent us both crashing to the floor. Still I never let the kiss break. I knew he was going to be mad but his kiss was so worth it.


	10. think of mom Hikaru what it wouldve done

Chapter 10- think of mom Hikaru, what it would've done?

**Hikaru's POV**

Kaoru seemed to be okay for a moment. Then his teeth came down good and hard on my bottom lip. I jumped backwards yelping in pain. "OW that freaking hurt" I hissed.  
"You just don't know how to listen" he scrambled for his towel and covered himself.  
"Kaoru" I whispered as he stood up.  
"Hikaru enough is enough, were twins damn it" he pulled on some boxers and a black and white vest. Then his torn jeans next.  
"Kaoru I love you, is that so hard to understand" I stood and gripped his shoulders. 

His soft eyes hardened, I could have mistaken them for my own if I were someone else.  
it made me hurt to see his soft features so hard and angered.  
"I love you to you bastard, but it dosnt matter you idiot. It dosnt matter what I want or even what you want. Case and point were brothers its of what it would have done to mom. think of her OVER WHAT YOU WANT BAKA!" he yelled louder then I'd ever heard him yell before.  
"K-Kaoru"  
"No Kaoru nothing. Thats the way it is. you want what you'll never have. Im sorry Icouldn't give you everything" he whispered walking out the bedroom door. 

**Kaoru's POV**

Around 3 am Dad and I were seated side by side on the couch watching something on the news. Hikaru was asleep, he'd gone to bed a few hours ago. 

"You really want this" Dad whispered as he folded his thin hands in his lap.  
"I think its whats best for H-Hikaru" I said truthfully but still weakly.  
I didn't want this. I didn't want to leave. I had no choice.  
"And you suddenly care about Hikaru's well being?" dad raised an eye brow.  
I nodded "I cant explain it"  
He nodded in response.  
"Very well I'll give you what you need" Dad smiled softly.  
"Thanks dad" I responded quietly. Out the corner of my ember eyes I saw him.  
he'd been listening from the other room.

The next night around midnight while Hikaru was at Kyouya's house for the night I stuffed all my clothes into a suitcase and took the money dad had left on my dresser for me. It was alot of money. Enough for everything I'd need until I could find a job.

I was honestly glad Hikaru was gone...I knew I'd never be able to handle the goodbye. I sprinted down the stairs carrying my stuff and walked out to the drive way where a Limo was waiting to take me to the airport.  
After the other night the alley wasn't something I planned on taking.  
I climbed into the back seat of the limo and closed my door. It was odd the driver didn't open and or close my door.


	11. lips that said i hate you say i love you

Chapter 11- lips that said I hate you say I love you

Kaoru's POV

I chose to ignore it. The car started moving and I rested my head against the glass of the window.  
for about an hour we drove around the city. I tapped on the tinted window that led to the driver seat.  
"Hey were just going to the air port, with all due respect I think you missed a turn" I said softly.  
A familiar voice answered my call.  
"were not going to the air port Kaoru"  
my eyes grew wide."Hikaru" I gasped.  
"get up here" he commanded.  
He pulled over and I climbed into the passenger seat next to him. He started driving again.  
"what are you doing" I whispered.  
"Were getting out of here...together" he smiled faintly but remained serious.

"Hikaru-" he cut me off.

"Kaoru I want to be with you and I know you want to be with me"  
I wasn't sure at first. I thought this was never gonna work. Still I kept quiet and thought about it.  
Okay it wouldn't bother anyone here if we left.  
Dad wont be affected. He never paid us any mind anyway. we'll be happy. I have what we need to survive. Hikaru must have some place to go in his head. I decided to accept this idea.  
Maybe we'd both be happy together this way.  
I felt his large hand wrap around fingers laced together.  
Our hands fit perfectly together. like pieces of a puzzle. Looking over at my silent brother  
I found it so hard to believe that I hated him not to long ago. Found it so hard to believe that we used to go out of our way to hurt each other.

I also didn't understand, It was so hard to comprehend...I didn't understand how the same lips that threatened me so many times before...the mouth that said things like burn in hell...and I hate you...or ill kill you...could say things like...I love you...and I'll protect you in such a loving truthful tone that made my heart beat so frantically.

Also I didn't understand how the hands that...broke my arm when we were 12...or threw me into the street when a van was coming when we were 14...  
could hold my hand like this and feel so safe and warm or how he could hold me in such a gentle embrace like he did in the rain.  
All in all Hikaru is hard to predict. Now I cant believe I was scared of him before.  
now I'm only scared of losing him.


	12. the start of a better life

Chapter 12- The start of a better life

Kaoru's POV

_That summer I was only 12 and mom took me hiking..._

_"MOM!" I held onto her hand trying not to think about what would happen if I let go. Below her were jagged rocks and a deep canyon._

"Kaoru, baby it's okay. mommy loves you" She said bravely "Mommy loved you" I tried to pull her up onto the ledge with me but in the blink of an eye her hand slipped away from mine.

Hikaru's POV

Kaoru was fast asleep now his head on my shoulder, he kept stirring and flinching which told me he was dreaming. I knew where I was going. A place where me and Kaoru could be happy.  
We have the money we needed to survive and we have each other. Thats all we needed what else was there to ask for.  
We both had clothes in the trunk and we were on our way to shelter it was gonna be fine. This whole run away to happiness thing was actually going to work.  
"Hikaru" he whispered yawning.  
I looked at him "Hm"  
"Can we stop at a motel or something im tired" he yawned some more.  
I nodded in light response.  
About another 20 minutes down the road and we were walking into the room we'd be staying in for the night.  
This hotel was called the Karin inn. It was comfortable and not expensive so why not?  
Kaoru settled into the large bed and his ember eyes closed. he really was tired. I sat down on the ledge of the bed and pulled his jacket and shoes off him. those i just threw to the floor.  
Then my fingers worked the buttons on his shirt and it joined his coat and shoes of the floor.  
After I was sure my twin was comfortable I stripped down to my boxers and settled in with him, wrapping my arms around him. He kissed my collarbone lightly and muttered "Night"

I smiled, placed a light kiss on his cheek and whispered "Good night, Love"

Normal POV

Kaoru walked back into the room after paying for one more night at the hotel seeing as neither of them felt like driving. "Okay were good" The younger red head sat down in his lovers lap.  
Hikaru kissed every inch of his face until he came to his lovers lips.  
The older boy dipped his tongue into his lovers mouth and let their tongues tangle with one another. Kaoru blushed and light out a quiet moan when his back met the bed.  
Hikaru kissed down Kaoru's jawline and to his collar bone.

RING RING RING RING!  
Kaoru gasped for air as he looked at his cell phones caller ID  
"Its dad" he whispered.  
Hikaru didn't stop. He just continued to lower his mouth down Kaoru's stomach.  
"We half to answer it he's worried is my guess" Kaoru pushed Hikaru away and answered the phone.  
"hey dad"  
"im fine"  
"Hikaru decided to go with me"  
"No were not in jail"  
"Kay"  
"love you to"  
"Bye dad"  
"whats going on" Hikaru whispered.  
"Nothing" I smiled "he said he'd continue to help us whenever we needed it and that he'd miss us"  
"Anything else" Hikaru asked.  
"Just that he loves us"  
Hikaru nodded brought Kaoru against him, wrapping his arms around the younger's waist.


	13. I love how that red head gets fired up

Hikaru pushed Kaoru to the bed and straddled him.

"I'm done waiting" he whispered seductively in Kaoru's ear.

"H-Hikaru" Kaoru blushed.

Hikaru sucked lovingly on his lovers pale neck.

Kaoru moaned in pleasure.

Hikaru's hands ran down his brother's bare chest and stomach.

They kissed until both were gasping for air.

Kaoru had no objections to any of this.

For once he wasn't thinking.

He was only focused on his loving twin.

Hikaru unzipped Kaoru's pants with his mouth and kneaded him through his boxers.

"You hard already" Hikaru smirked.

Kaoru blushed and yanked Hikaru's belt from his pants pulling them down to his knees.

Next were his boxers.

"You to" Kaoru replied.

Hikaru figured he'd teased enough and started sucking Kaoru.

"H----IKA-----RUU" Kaoru moaned.

"IM GONNA---"Kaoru screamed loudly.

"Not yet you're not" Hikaru shoved his fingers into Kaoru's mouth.

"Suck" he commanded.

Kaoru did as he was told being the good boy he was.

Hikaru slid 3 fingers inside Kaoru.

Kaoru squirmed a little.

"If I could do this without pain…..I would" Hikaru promised.

Kaoru nodded slamming his ember eyes shut.

Hikaru replaced his fingers with his dick.

"M-Move" Kaoru whispered.

Hikaru wanted to hear him beg but knew he was close so he did as he was asked.

"DAMN IT don't tease faster" Kaoru demanded.

Hikaru loved watching that little red head get fired up.

He moved in and out as fast as he could kissing away the tears that leaked from his lovers eyes.

"I love you" Kaoru moaned as he came all over the bed and Hikaru.

Not long after Hikaru came and they fell asleep.


	14. fire works in the sky love on the ground

Kaoru walked outside and joined Hikaru in the limo and they left Karin inn.

"Where are we going" Kaoru asked softly.

"It's a surprise" Hikaru smirked.

A few hours passed and Kaoru turned on the radio.

The song filled the car.

**_Handsome  
Tender  
Soft  
why do you look right through me  
thinking 'No'?  
I can't deny my feelings_**

Hikaru looked at Kaoru and Kaoru looked at him.

Then Hikaru started singing.

**_Dreaming on  
and every time I see you  
I crave more  
I wanna pull you  
closer  
closer  
closer  
closer_**

Kaoru tried to ignore the lyrics his brother singing was making it hard to breathe he loved Hikaru's voice.

It didn't work instead he started singing along.

**_Malchik gei  
Malchik gei  
I can be  
All you need  
won't your please  
Stay with me?  
Malchik gei  
Malchik gei  
Apologies, might-have-been's  
Malchik gei  
Malchik gei  
can't erase what I feel  
Malchik gei, gei  
Malchik gei_**

Both were happy and singing with occasional laughing.

**_Choking  
Back emotion  
I try to keep on hoping  
For a way,  
A reason for us both to  
Come in close  
I long for you to hold me  
Like your boyfriend does  
And though my dream is  
Slowly fading  
I wanna be the  
object  
object  
object  
object  
Of your passion, but it's hopeless_**

Soon they came to a small but active town. They parked the limo and stepped out.

Hikaru heard more music and took his lover to it.

It was a little pagoda with a band playing.

Many people were dancing in couples.

Kaoru bit his bottom lip and looked at his feet.

Hikaru took his brother in his arms and twirled him around.

Kaoru blushed and landed leaning against Hikaru.

Hikaru lifted Kaoru up by his waist and spun him around and pulled him back down with a kiss.

No one was upset or appalled but happily cheering the loving couple on.

The twins laughed and left to explore a little more.

Kaoru found a little both selling ice cream.

He got two chocolate cones and walked back over to Hikaru.

Hikaru took one cone then they walked over to a field where everyone was sitting on towels and blankets in the grass.

It was getting pretty close to the 4th of July.

It was getting dark to.

Hikaru sat down in the grass.

Kaoru felt Hikaru grab his arm before he could sit.

"What is it" he whined.

"Wouldn't want you getting all dirty" Hikaru smirked pulling his submissive lover into his lap.

Kaoru smiled rolled his eyes and snuggled into his twins arms resting his head on his chest.

"Kaoru" Hikaru whispered as the first firework shot up a beautiful pink.

"Hm" Kaoru hummed lightly.

"I love you, m-more than anything in the world. Forgive me for all the pain I've caused y-"Kaoru's lips laid down on his.

"Don't say anything about pain my love, there is no more hurt…..I love you and that's all I know now"

Hikaru finished his ice cream.

Kaoru had been done.

The third fire work come out in two colors….one in orange the other in blue.

Kaoru snuggled back into his loves safe embrace.

Hikaru stroked fondly at his lovers bangs.

Kaoru simply stared at the night sky clutching Hikaru close to him.

His breathing was even and soft.

After about a half hour the fireworks stopped.

People started leaving.

"Kaoru" Hikaru whispered.

Then he looked down at his lover.

"my angel" he whispered silently to himself.

Kaoru lay on Hikaru's chest with his eyes closed and his pale lips parting slightly as each gentle breath escaped them.

A light blush across his pale face.

Hikaru lifted his loving brother into his arms and carried him bridal style back to the limo.


	15. a memory made to be forgotten

Kaoru opened his eyes.

He was in a bed.

A large bed with pure white sheets and blankets.

He was alone.

"AHH" he screamed jumping up.

"HIKARU" he yelled running at the door.

Kaoru fell tripping on the white kimono he was somehow wearing.

"Great" he muttered looking at the open chest white pure silk kimono he was dressed in "I was kidnapped by a pervert" he finished.

"That would be me" Hikaru smirked standing in the door way wearing a dark blue kimono.

He was chuckling.

"Not funny" Kaoru whined standing up.

Hikaru kissed Kaoru real quick.

"This is the place I was taking ya to" he smiled widely.

"What is this place" Kaoru looked around.

"Mom and dad used to use it for vacations, dad pays for it so long as we live here.

He agreed to it when ya left" Hikaru nodded.

Kaoru smiled. He remembered when he and his twin were children.

He remembered playing here……before they hated each other.

Kaoru walked outside to the Japanese garden.

He sat down next to the pond.

He touched the dark water with his pale finger.

He stared as his reflection rippled.

His eyes grew wide.

His breath hitched.

**_FLASHBACK_**

"HELP" little 7 year old Kaoru yelled trying to keep his head above water.

He went under and threw his head back above water "HIKARU"

"B-BROTHER"

"P-PLEASE SOMBODY"

He went under water again.

He came up again gasping for air.

"HIKA-"he went under.

His consciousness was slipping away from him.

Hikaru ran outside bare foot and in tan shorts and a baggy blue T-shirt.

His ember eyes wide as he dove in after his brother.

Hikaru gripped Kaoru's arm and pulled him into his arms.

Hikaru gasped for air as he pulled his brother onto the little man made beach.

"MAMA" Hikaru cried.

She ran out and pressed on Kaoru's stomach.

After several attempts of CPR Kaoru's bright eyes opened again.

Hikaru threw his thin tiny arms around his brothers slender boy and held him close.

"Are you okay" he whispered.

Kaoru clutched the back of his brothers soaking wet shirt in both hands.

Tears welled up in his eyes as well and they both cried.

Their mother hugged them both close to her.

Then received a call on her phone and had to leave her children.

Kaoru cried more and more.

Hikaru pulled his slightly younger brother closer and closer.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner" Hikaru cried.

**_FLASHBACK OVER_**

Kaoru froze at the memory until Hikaru's hand landed on his shoulder.

He turned with a wary look in his ember eyes.

Hikaru hugged him.

And kissed his cheek.

"That memory love…… was made to be forgotten" Hikaru whispered holding Kaoru close.


	16. it all your fault she died

A few weeks past.

Everything seemed fine.

Everything except Kaoru and his flash backs.

Hikaru woke in the middle of the night.

Kaoru was tossing and turning.

Hikaru moved his finger tips up and down Kaoru's pale arm softly.

Kaoru started to settle.

Hikaru wrapped his arms around him and fell asleep.

______Kaoru's flash back________

13 year old Kaoru cried at his mother's funeral.

Hikaru entered with their father.

Kaoru went to hug his brother for the comfort he normally would give him.

Hikaru didn't hug him.

He threw a punch landing it in his twins face.

Kaoru stumbled backwards and hit the ground.

"ITS YOUR FAULT SHE"S DEAD" Hikaru jumped Kaoru and punched him again.

Kaoru tried to move but it was useless Hikaru was stronger than him.

"YOU KILLED HER" Hikaru screamed.

Their father pulled the elder twin off the younger twin and they left.

Kaoru lay there in the rain.

He stood and walked to his mom urn rested on a table with a candle and a picture of her.

"It was my fault wasn't it" he whispered with tears in his eyes.

His pale face was bruised and his body was sore.

"You died because I went ahead" he whispered.

**______FLASHBACK OVER______**


	17. it's been to quiet

Kaoru sat up with tears in his eyes.

"It really is my fault" he cried into his hands.

Hikaru sat up and hugged him.

"What were you dreaming about" he whispered into his brothers red hair.

"T-the funeral" Kaoru cried.

Hikaru's eyes widened.

"DON'T EVER THINK BACK TO THAT" he grasped Kaoru's shoulders.

Kaoru nodded 'I'm sorry it was my fault"

"NO" Hikaru whispered.

**_Flash back_**

Mom and Kaoru were saying good bye to Hikaru and Dad.

Hikaru hugged Kaoru "carful Kao-KAO" Hikaru smiled kissing Kaoru's cheek.

Mom hugged Hikaru and kissed dad.

"I will Ru-Ru" Kaoru promised.

"Will you be okay Hikaru" Mom asked sweetly.

"yup" Hikaru smiled hugging Kaoru again.

Hikaru watched as the car disappeared a long way down the road.

**_Flashback OVER_**

Kaoru walked out to the garden again.

"It was my fault" Kaoru nodded to himself.

Hikaru sat down next to him and handed him a plate of rice cakes.

"Eat up" he smiled.

Kaoru took one bite and handed the plate back to Hikaru.

"Don't worry so much" Hikaru smiled lovingly.

Then he gently took Kaoru's hand in his own.

"I'm worried something's gonna happen its been to quiet" Hikaru whispered.

"That's what I'm worried about" kaoru whispered.

There was a loud crash.

Hikaru jumped up and pushed kaoru into the water.

Kaoru threw his head above water "why'd ya do that" he hissed.

"hide until I know what's going on" Hikaru whispered walking back into the house.


	18. detained

Chapter 18- Detained

Kaoru stayed in the water.

Hikaru made his way into the bedroom and grabbed a gun from the dresser.

Slowly he snuck into the kitchen and from there peered into the living room doorway. There were 3 men in the living room, all wearing white suits.

"What do ya think" one said to one that was looking at a picture of Kaoru on the night stand.

"That's the younger one" the one looking at the picture said.

"I'll go look for him out back" the one near the couch said walking out the back door.

My heart pounded against my chest. _Who were these people?_ He'd better stay hidden.

Why are they here?

Hikaru shook his head.

"Hey" the voice of one of the men came from behind Hikaru. The older twin spun around on his heel to face a man he'd never seen before. He wore a white suit and had thick dark hair and blue eyes.

"Why are you in my house" Hikaru hissed.

"Mr. Hitachiin sent us out of concern for his children"

"Were perfectly fine" Hikaru clutched the gun in his hand behind his back.

"I know, you think your fine. He sent us to take care of you"

"Excuse me" Hikaru said breathlessly.

"That's right. Were with a rehabilitation center...a vacation spot in a way"

Hikaru snarled "You mean like a mental institution!"

Hikaru moved the gun to pull the trigger only to have it taken from him and to be thrown across the floor. The red head slid across the white tile and hit the wooden cupboard. A pained groan escaped his lips.

The man grabbed him up by the arm.

Kaoru knew something was wrong and made his way to the surface of the water.. He swam closer to the shore. A large hand grasped his red hair and yanked him out of the water wincing in pain.

"Let me go" Kaoru screamed.

The other men came outside to meet the one who now had Kaoru.

Hikaru was restrained by a straight jacket and looked quite pissed off. The younger Hitachiin covered his mouth and shook his head.


	19. Inside the assylum

Chapter 19- Inside the asylum

Hikaru woke up on a cold white tile floor.

The walls were a blinding white color and a small brass bed with a grey colored blanket and pillow was positioned against a wall with a lamp next to it.

Also there were some bars leading to the next room like a window.

The room he could see through the bars was identical to his.

"Kaoru" He whispered. Where was his beloved twin? Hikaru stood up and looked through the bars.

Kaoru was sitting on his bed shaking a bit.

"Love" Hikaru whispered his warm breath visible on the cold air. Kaoru looked up with warmth in his ember eyes. He made his way to the small bared window Hikaru called to him from.

"Are you hurt" Hikaru whispered.

Kaoru shook his head.

"We never should've left, this never would've happened" Kaoru whispered with tears welling up in his eyes.

"No" Hikaru hushed him.

"No….if we wouldn't have left we wouldn't be the way we are now" Hikaru whispered softly reaching his hand through the cold bars. Kaoru took his hand and held it to his cheek.

"I'll never regret leaving because….I know now how much I love you" Hikaru said as his voice cracked. He needed to cry to.

"Are we gonna be okay?" Kaoru whispered with tears rolling down his pale cheeks.

"Yeah" Hikaru whispered still not letting the tears fall.

"Kaoru were gonna be fine…just fine"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because when we were born twins mom said we'd withstand anything together and we have baby, we have….were gonna make it through this, okay?" Hikaru whispered sound reassuring.

Kaoru pressed his face to the bars.

Hikaru kissed him lightly. "Get some sleep, stay warm, I'm right here, I promise" Hikaru whispered softly.


	20. The past comes back to haunt

Chapter 20- The past comes back to haunt.

Hikaru sat on the mattress and sighed, resting his head in his hands. The sound of someone else's voice made him look up. He stood and peaked into Kaoru's room.

Kaoru was helping a boy about their age to his feet. He was pale and had dark hair.

"Kaoru" Hikaru whispered.

Kaoru left the dark haired boy sitting on the mattress and walked to the bars.

"Yes" he said lightly.

"Who is he?" Hikaru asked softly.

"He's an old friend of mine" Kaoru smiled softly.

The weeks past Hikaru could barely get Kao's attention with that guy in there.

His name was…. Tyler.

This name had some meaning to Hikaru to.

A lot of meaning…..

Flashback

"Are you sure your okay with me and Kaoru leaving" Mom smiled warmly to her 13 year old son.

"Yeah mom me and Tyler will be fine" Hikaru chirped.

"It's okay Mrs. Hitachiin" Tyler wrapped his thin pale arms around Hikaru's shoulders.

"Good" Kaoru smiled hugging them both"

next day

Hikaru woke up and ran down stairs.

"Hey Tyler"

"Hika-chan"

"Kaoru normally just calls me Ru-Ru"

'Well I'm not Kaoru"

No Tyler wasn't was far from Hikaru's beloved twin. Tyler was beautiful even as a child but…..He was vain and cold. He was also a narcissist. Like Hikaru Tyler was a drug addict.

He was a sex fanatic. He would hurt was far from the beauty Kaoru was.

"Hikaru"

"Hm"

"Why do ya care for him, he's weak"

"Well it's the will to protect him I suppose"

KNOCK KNOCK.

"The cops are here" Hikaru whispered.

"Your mother died during the hike with your brother, were so sorry"

"Bet Kaoru didn't even try to save her" Tyler smirked.

Hikaru turned and lifted Tyler off the ground by his shirt.

"You listen Kaoru's a good person and he'd never hurt mom"

Tyler pushed Hikaru to the ground and kissed him, full on the mouth.

Hikaru blushed and his ember eyes closed.

"Trust me Ru, it's all his fault he was there he could've saved her." Another kiss.

Hikaru nodded "I believe you"

Another kiss.

_at the funeral

"ITS YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD" Hikaru jumped on Kaoru and punched him again and again.

Kaoru tried to move but it was useless Hikaru was stronger than him.

"YOU KILLED HER" Hikaru screamed.

Their father pulled the elder twin off the younger twin...they left.

Hikaru and Kaoru hated each other from that day on and were never the same again.

Flashback over Hikaru's POV

That is who Tyler was.

I was a fool enough to love him then.

I quickly got over him though.

He was an ass.

I don't think its fair that they cuddle together while I freeze at night.

I hate Tyler now.

I hate the way they laugh.

The way he looks at my little UKE.

I hate it all.

Suddenly the door opened.

"Food" a try slid at my feet.

I didn't wanna eat anymore.

I watched through the bars.

"Kaoru"

"Yeah"

NO.

I can't believe this no.


	21. THE WAY I LOVE YOU

Chapter 21- The way I loved you

Kao's POV

Tyler's pale lips laid down on mine, it wasn't the same as kissing Hikaru. It made me feel dirty and left a bitter feel on my lips.

I'm only submissive for Hikaru right? RIGHT? Then why am I blushing?

Hikaru save me I don't know what to do.

I could see my beloved twin out the corner of my golden eyes. He was shocked he looked disgusted. Hikaru you idiot does it look like I'm kissing him back.

WAIT I AM KISSING HIM BACK.

HIKARU'S POV

"Kaoru" I whispered under my breath.

"TYLER!" I yelled slamming my pale fist into the stone wall.

Tyler smirked "what is it Ru"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU KISSING MY KAORU" my voice came out strained.

"You mean my Kaoru" Tyler corrected or at least thinks he corrected me, Kaoru is most certainly mine.

"No I didn't stutter I mean my Kaoru. NOW ILL BREAK YOUR NECK IF YA TOUCH HIM AGAIN" I hissed through clenched teeth. A large hand grasped my arm.

I turned "dad" I whispered shocked.

"Lower your voice and come with me" He said with a light smile.

"Finally" I smiled. He was here to put a stop to this.

The door opened and the first light I'd seen in weeks made me flinch.

I'd been sitting in the dark for almost a month.

I'd gotten used to talking to myself.

That's not good.

We came to a small room. In the center of the room was a table. A short round man was sitting at it. My father whispered in my ear "Answer these questions correctly and you can both go home."

I nodded and sat down at the table across from the man. Suddenly my twin was sitting at my side.

"Kaoru" I whispered.

Kaoru hushed me. The man sitting across from us said "This is somewhat like final questioning. If you guys deny the claims made against you then you can both go home"

Kaoru asked "Why are you even agreeing to any of this? I mean to let two people you consider insane walk away I mea-"

"Kaoru your father is paying me to let you two go as long as we can come to an agreement"

Kaoru simply nodded.

"Now lets begin. You will both agree to deny any incestuous claims made against you. You will also agree to put it all behind you and live away from each other for at least two years"

"Never" my hands shook on the table top.

"Beg pardon?" asked the man.

"I wont agree to that…keep us here! I won't give a damn, I love Kaoru body and soul so strong I don't care about anything if I can't be with him" My words came out cocky and slow so dad understood.

Dad was quiet for a while "I've got a couple of dikes for sons"

"Not only that" I smirked again "were gay for each other, your sweet Kao's not a virgin any more, god is that little cutie hot in bed" I smirked some more.

Dad was shocked he looked disgusted. Kaoru was a blushing wordless lump of flesh as if only there to take up room. Really he was giving me strength.

"I agree to those terms" Kaoru whispered softly….."think of mom" he looked at me with lifeless eyes.

Dad said "Very well then"

Kaoru was pissed, that much I knew but I had no idea why.

"Let them go" dad said just above a whisper.

That was shocking enough what really freaking shocked me was what I heard when I tried to kiss my lover.

"NO" Kaoru hissed "no more of that I'm moving out and probably going to live in an apartment but I don't care" Kaoru whispered but with cold eyes.

"Why" I asked breathlessly.

"You don't trust me at all you asshole, you can't read my mind, you wouldn't know. And I quote 'that little cutie is hot in bed' what the fucking hell I'm not some slut" he yelled the rest.

I wondered if he'd even heard me say how much I loved him or that I didn't wanna live without him.

months later

Kaoru scrubbed the glass plate with sudsy water as he stared out the window.

It was raining hard. The way it was the night Hikaru first kissed him. He hated these days, the days it rained so hard. The days it rained like lived in a small apartment with one bedroom. One's all he needed.

Hikaru was probably looking for him. He wouldn't find him.

Kaoru had moved to Paris. It was nice at times. But right now.

It made him miss Hikaru just a bit too much.


	22. tell me how to forget

_Hikaru stared out the window at the rain._

_It made him think of kaoru._

_He'd tried several times to call his love._

_Each was un successful._

_Kaoru had gotten a new phone._

_"hey baby" a working at the bar he was sitting in wrapped her thin arms around his shoulders._

_"Go away" Hikaru muttered under his breath._

_This slut smelled like a mix of sex and perfume._

_Her face was coated in makeup._

_God this is why I hate chicks Hikaru thought to himself._

_She was wearing a mini skirt and a pink tank top._

_She had long blond hair._

_Bleach blond._

_Her lips touched his cheek leaving a mark of pink lip gloss behind._

_Hikaru had never felt more provoked to hit a woman._

_She leaned over trying to see his face._

_"A Hitachiin" she smiled fondly._

_"how'd ya guess" Hikaru gasped._

_"It's just those ember eyes, I know a lot about you I did a study on twins in high school and you and your brother came up" she smiled softly._

_"so you know a lot" Hikaru purred with a smirk putting his arms around her._

_She smiled into the embrace. "yes everything there is to know"_

_"I'm rich" Hikaru started._

_"yes" she smiled breathlessly._

_"I'm handsome" _

_"oh yes you are" she smiled more._

_If that girl smiled anymore she'd turn into a chesure cat._

_"and" Hikaru pulled her face close to his._

_"what is it" she whispered closing her blue eyes to wait for the kiss._

_"I'm gay your research must have missed that" he pushed her away._

_Her eyes were huge "tease" she accused._

_"whatever, slut" Hikaru returned it._

_"I am not I know who you are" she pointed out._

_"Oh really so which one am I…..Kaoru or Hikaru" he felt like he was playing that game._

_The which one's Hikaru game._

_It was so long ago._

_"your kaoru right" she whispered shaking in her small frame._

_"wrong" Hikaru turned his back to her and went back to his drink._

_Kaoru was sitting in bed._

_It was no lie that he missed Hikaru._

_"Hikaru" kaoru whispered with tears welling up in his ember eyes._

_He swore he'd never cry for Hikaru again._

_He never seemed to stay true to that._

_He missed his lovers touch and kiss and warmth._

_The stereo was on._

_A song came on, it got Kaoru's attention._

******_Malchik gei  
Malchik gei  
Malchik, Malchik gei  
Malchik gei, Malchik gei, Malchik gei  
Malchik gei, Malchik gei, Malchik gei  
Malchik gei, Malchik gei, Malchik  
Malchik, Malchik._**

Handsome  
Tender  
Soft  
Why do you look right through me  
Thinking 'No'?  
I can't deny my feelings  
Growing strong  
I try to keep believing  
Dreaming on  
And every time I see you  
I crave more  
I wanna pull you  
closer  
closer  
closer  
closer  
but you leave me feeling frozen

_The song filled the room._

_God no why this song._

_Why._

_His tears over followed._

_Why._

_The vast memories of the song in the car came back._

_The vast memories of the heat in the hotel room._

_Vast memories of the kiss in the rain_

_Memories of his touch and smile._

_It all rushed back to him._

_Kaoru fell to the floor knocking the picture of Hikaru off the night stand in front of his face._

_The picture showed them on new year's one year with pop in hand and their arm around the other._

_Both smiling and laughing._

_The tears continued to fall._

_I'm an idiot he thought t himself._

_I had an angel in my life and I let him walk away._

_All I had to do was pull him in and fuck him like I'd never see my lover again._

_That's all I had to do._

_Make him scream my name till it was all he knew how to say._

_Just that so easy._

_Why didn't I?_

_Why?_

_"I still need you my love" Kaoru whispered softly._

_"the memories won't go away time wont erase it"._

_Hikaru sat on the ledge of his bed crying into his hands._

_"I need ya Kao, time won't erase the memoires"._

_"tell me how to forget" they both said at the same time._


	23. and so i fell for you my dearest Hikaru

Hikaru sat leaned up against the wall.

"Kaoru" he whispered

I'm so stupid for not trusting him.

_Cold water ran over Kaoru's body._

"Where would he go" Hikaru whispered to himself.

_Kaoru's breath cut short._

"What language did you fail in high school" Haruhi's voice met his ears.

_The note is left on the table_

"French" she continued.

**_No more pain_**

That was all it took.

Without another word Hikaru hopped on the next flight to France.

In about 2 hours his cell phone rang.

"Hello"

**_No more pain._**

"Hikaru go to the closest hospital….s-should be s-sakura'. Kaoru's hurt."

Hikaru dropped his phone in the gravel.

"FUCK" he shouted into the sky.

_Now his quiet voice is hushed._

"Damn it" he yelled crashing his fist into the side of the brick building nearest to him.

"Damn it" another hit.

"WHY HIM" he screamed into the sky.

**_His silent cries unheard._**

"I'm the bad person not him" Hikaru hissed into thin air.

A slight tug on his sleeve.

A little girl with his eyes color and hair looked up at him with big eyes.

"If you're so worried for Kaoru….go to him Hikaru" she smiled an all knowing smile.

"How'd you-"

"I know everything" she smiled. "And I know twins spend their life together" she pushed him towards the door of the hospital with her short arms.

**_His innocent blood spilt._**

Hikaru rushed into Kaoru.

His twin lay unconscious in the hospital bed.

His head and chest bandaged.

The rest of the host club was there.

Tamaki stood up.

"Now then" he started. "This hatred you two have bared for so long needs to come to an end. Look what's happened because of it"

Tears rolled down Hikaru's colorless cheeks.

"Enough" Honey whispered.

Mori grabbed him "he needs to know what happened"

Honey backed down.

"What happened to him." Hikaru cried.

Tamaki opened his mouth again.

**_Innocent blood split by your call._**

"He drove his car into the lake. On purpose." Tamaki noted the last part.

Hikaru's eyes widened.

"w-why" Hikaru whimpered.

**_Hate can kill._**

"He couldn't take the feeling of hate anymore……..couldn't take not being with you….he thought your life would be better without him"

**_Hate is a strong weapon._**

Hikaru turned and lifted Kaoru's hand.

"I love you" tears rolled down the red heads cheeks.

"I love you so much" Hikaru cried more.

He fell to his knees and grasped the sheets.

"KAORU!!!!!!!" He screamed into the mattress.

A small hand on his shoulder.

It was that little girl.

"He loves you too"

**_When you love someone they never truly leave you._**

"He says it was because of you he was able to feel love for the first time and that he's grateful to you. He says sorry for not protecting mom better"

**_Although I hate goodbyes I'll never forget you._**

"How do you know" Hikaru sniffed.

She gave another all knowing smile "I know everything"

"He says that you'll always be ru-ru to him"

The little girl placed a soft kiss on Hikaru's pale cheek.

**_I'll see you again my love, when I lead you by the hand to paradise_**

The little girl turned with a smile.

"Let's go" her lips aren't moving but she's looking to thin air.

Kaoru takes her by the hand.

The little girl is not little any more.

But she is tall and beautiful.

She is Mrs. Hitachiin.

Now she takes her youngest son by the hand.

And they disappear.

Hikaru turned to Kaoru's lifeless body.

"God I love you so much" he smiled a sad smile.

Hikaru touched his lips to Kaoru's.

**_As your lips touch mine the circle connects and we become one in one._**

**_And your sweet voice resounds in my head._**

**_For I love you even in death._**

**_at first there was love and then there was hate but in the end there is no more pain_**

**_but there is love._**

**_sometimes you fall for what you hate and so i fell for you my dearest Hikaru._**


	24. our beautiful sin

You can't just leave him.

My mother whispered as I stared into the light before me.

"But can Hikaru forgive me for killing you" I whispered looking back over my shoulder.

Her eyes grew sad "you were a 13 year old boy dear" she rested a hand on my forehead "remember she whispered.

**_Flashback_**

_"Are you sure your okay with me and Kaoru leaving" Mom smiled warmly to her 13 year old son._

_"Yeah mom me and Tyler will be fine" Hikaru chirped._

_"It's okay Mrs. Hitachiin" Tyler wrapped his thin pale arms around Hikaru's shoulders._

_"Good" Kaoru smiled hugging them both"_

_Kaoru turns smiling at his mother "you're so slow" he called to her_

_"go on ahead baby…I'll catch up" she waved at him._

**NO don't make me remember that!**

**_Keep going kaoru its fine…_**

**You slipped…**

_Kaoru gripped his mother's hand as she dangled over the ledge of the cliff above a raging river._

_"MOMMY" he cried out._

_"Baby, baby it's okay"_

_"Mom you're slipping"_

**NO!**

And her hands slipped away from his.

"MOM" kaoru cried.

"YOU KILLED HER" Hikaru screamed.

Their father pulled the elder twin off the younger twin and they left.

Kaoru lay there in the rain.

He stood and walked to his mom urn rested on a table with a candle and a picture of her.

"It was my fault wasn't it" he whispered with tears in his eyes.

His pale face was bruised and his body was sore.

"You died because I went ahead" he whispered.

**_Flash back over_**

"You were young and there was no way you could have held me" she smiled.

"I know" I whispered.

"Don't leave him" she smiled placing a hand on the side of my face "you're not ready to go yet"

Hikaru was still crying along with the rest of the club in the hospital.

Hikaru jumped when he felt kaoru cough.

His eyes grew wide "oh kaoru"

I sat up "Hikaru, I couldn't leave you"

His lips slammed down on mine "I love you" he said in between breaths.

I kissed him back with everything I had.

"Kaoru I'm sorry for what I said back there with dad-" I cut him off.

"Shut up, I wasn't done wasting my energy and breath on you yet" I yanked him into another kiss.

This is a difficult love and it's emotionally and mentally draining…

I don't know what's gonna happen in the future…

I do know I'll be with Hikaru…

I'll be with the one I love…

We may fight…

But it's the fact that he'll be at my door step or I'll be at his the next morning…

That makes our love special…

Love isn't predictable…

You can't figure it out…

It changes…

In every shape and form…

A sin…

Were twins…

So our love is a sin…

But if I have to…

I'll go to hell and back…

I'll trade my soul…

Just to repeat this sin…

Over and over…

Just to say I love the one I hate…

Just to tell you…

How much…

I love…

And need…

Him…

My Hikaru…

I've fallen for the one I once hated and what a beautiful sin we've created

His lips collided with mine "I love you"

"I love you to" I smiled softly

"Don't do that again" he smirked.

"Never" I promised.


End file.
